Arguing...!?!

We are talking about negative traits, alright! Yesterday we learnt about classical insults. But what else could be more annoying and irritating than Arguing (to understand the difference between Arguing and Fair Fight , click on the title to take the test) which results in Insults…?!?

A boy once asked his father, "Dad, how do wars begin?”
"Well, take the First World War," said his father. "That got started when Germany invaded Belgium."
Immediately his wife interrupted him, "Tell the boy the truth! It began because somebody was assassinated!”
The husband drew himself up with an air of superiority and snapped back, "Are you answering the question or am I?"
Turning her back upon him in a huff, the wife stormed out the room and slammed the door as hard as she could!
When the dishes stopped rattling in the cupboard an uneasy silence followed, broken at length by the boy:
"Daddy, you don't have to tell me how wars begin; I KNOW now!"

We all do it sometimes! We all know what it is to walk away from an argument with the mouth dry, tummy in a knot, head hot and spinning, and heart sick, wishing that it had never happened, deeply regretting the unkind words that were said!

Believe it or not, more homes are destroyed by arguments than by fires or funerals!

We all know that arguing for the sake of arguing is a pointless waste of time!
We have absolutely NOTHING to gain - only our time, energy and someone's friendship is LOST! It is said that the only people who really LISTEN to an argument are the neighbors!

Some people love to argue, and will do anything to prove their point! They'd rather lose a friend than an argument! For others, arguing has become a HABIT, an automatic reaction of saying something contradictory to whatever is being said!

One compulsive arguer was the early American statesman, philosopher and author, Benjamin Franklin. As a youth he loved nothing more than a good argument until a close friend took him aside and said,
"Ben, you are impossible! Your opinions have a slap in them for everyone who differs with you! Your friends enjoy themselves better when you are not around! You think you KNOW so much that no one can TELL you anything. Indeed, no one is going to try, for the effort would only lead to discomfort and hard work! So you are not likely ever to know any more than you do now - which is actually very LITTLE!"

Ben Franklin was BIG enough and WISE enough to accept these stinging truths, and to realize that he was headed for failure and social disaster! So he immediately began to change his bigoted, argumentative ways!

He became one of the best loved, wisest and most diplomatic men in American history, and was actually remembered for saying:
"If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes.
But it will be an empty victory, because you will never get your opponent's good will!"

NO ONE ever really wins an argument!
You can shout and scream and argue until you're blue in the face, but people are not going to believe that you are right unless they WANT to believe it!

And even if they would LIKE to agree with you, your tone may have put them so much on the defensive that it would be like an utter humiliation, a defeat on the battlefield, for them to confess you're right or even partly right!

And remember, no amount of logic or argument will make anyone change his mind if he doesn't want to! Nine times out of ten, an argument ends with each side more firmly convinced than ever that he is absolutely right! You can't win an argument, because if you lose it, you lose it!
And if you WIN it, you still LOSE it! Why?
Well, suppose you triumph over the other person and shoot his argument full of holes and prove that he's an absolute idiot. Then what?
You'll feel fine, smug and satisfied. But what about him/her? You'll have made him/her feel inferior. You've hurt his pride. He/she may resent your triumph, and…
"A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still!"

WHAT CAUSES FIGHTS AND QUARRELS AMONG YOU?
…. “Don't they come from your lusts and desires that battle within you? You want something, but don't get it...so you quarrel and fight…”

So greediness and selfishness can be one of the root causes of arguing, trying to get the things you selfishly want.

“Only by PRIDE come quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.”

Also, as we've clearly seen, many arguments are caused by SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS. Pushing your point, thinking that you're so right, putting yourself up and the other person down by contradicting them! And what it all boils down to is a lack of LOVE! Arguing isn't the real problem, that's just a SYMPTOM!

LACK OF LOVE is the REAL problem!

Stay tuned...!

INSULTS...!?!

We have been discussing a lot about Human Nature, Behavior and Values at this place. The discussions till this point were focused on targeted on positive and productive values and traits. Today, for a change I am going to share one of the dark sides of human nature – INSULT – to be precise. I am not sharing this just for fun or making my post ‘with grey shades’, as they say. I will never ever write, compile or produce anything that will not have any type of educative, informative or entertaining value, believe me…!

It is a classic compilation of glorious insults from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words. I am sure you would really enjoy the huge humor and overflowing honest generously dished out without mincing the words. They are crammed with wits, vitality and verve.

I am confident that you would agree with me that these indeed have the class that pales the impact that crass insults of modern day could possibly create.

1. The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were my husband I'd poison your tea."
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

2. A Member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

3. "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

4. "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow

5. "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

6. "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

7. "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

8. "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends…" - Oscar Wilde

9. "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... If you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... If there is one…" - Winston Churchill, in response.

10. "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop

11. "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

12. "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

13. "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

14. "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand

15. "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker uncle

16. "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain

17. "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

18. "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

19. "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... For support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

20. "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

21. "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

Stay tuned...!

Compliment…!?!

Why does it feel so wonderful to pay a compliment? (Click on the title to read more about it) Because you are connecting honestly, directly, and kindly with another human being. It is a basic need that doesn't get met often in our fast-paced, media-hyped, negative-slanted, technical world.

If you want to believe it, the following story that captured my heart, will help you too...!

It happened several years ago in the Paris opera house. A famous singer had been contracted to sing, and ticket sales were booming. In fact, the night of the concert found the house packed and every ticket sold.

The feeling of anticipation and excitement was in the air as the house manager took the stage and said, Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for your enthusiastic support. I am afraid that due to illness, the man whom you've all come to hear will not be performing tonight.

However, we have found a suitable substitute we hope will provide you with comparable entertainment. The crowd groaned in disappointment and failed to hear the announcer mention the stand-in's name. The environment turned from excitement to frustration.

The stand-in performer gave the performance everything he had. When he had finished, there was nothing but an uncomfortable silence. No one applauded. Suddenly, from the balcony, a little boy stood up and shouted, "Daddy, I think you are wonderful!!!"

The crowd broke into thunderous applause.

We all need people in our Lives who are willing to stand up once in a while and say, I think you are wonderful. And at times others are expecting this from you. Are you telling them how wonderful they are...?!?

Say it now and make "someone's day more pleasant.

Stay tuned...!

WISHING…?!?

Right from the childhood we all are fascinated with the stories of fairy with her Magic Wand (Click on the title if you want to make one), don’t we? At all the ages and stages of our lives, in the deepest and darkest corner of our mind, we always hope against the hope that some day that fairy will appear from nowhere and will grant us at least one wish…! Well, if it really happens be extremely creative, careful and strategic of your wish. It just might come true…!

A couple was dining out together celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. After the meal, the husband presented his wife romantically with a beautiful very old gold antique locket on a chain.

Amazingly when his wife opened the locket, a tiny fairy appeared.

Addressing the astonished couple, the fairy said, "Your forty years of devotion to each other has released me from this locket, and in return I can now grant you both one wish each - anything you want…"

Without hesitating, the wife asked, "Please, can I travel to the four corners of the world with my husband, as happy and in love as we've always been?"

The fairy waved her wand with a flourish, and magically there on the table were two first-class tickets for a round-the-world holiday.

Staggered, the couple looked at each other, unable to believe their luck.

"Your turn," said the fairy and the wife to the husband.

The husband thought for a few seconds, and then said, with a little guilt in his voice, "Forgive me, but to really enjoy that holiday of a lifetime - I yearn for a younger woman - so I wish that my wife could be thirty years younger than me."

Shocked, the fairy glanced at the wife, and with a knowing look in her eye, waved her wand.....

And the husband became ninety-three…!?!

Beware of your wishes and Stay tuned...!

UNSHAKABLE...!

Today lets try to discover what makes UNSHAKABLE - The combination of Faith and Confidence...!


A very tired traveler came to the banks of a river.

There was no bridge by which he could cross. It was winter, and the surface of the river was covered with ice. It was getting dark, and he wanted to reach the other side while there was enough light to see. He debated about whether or not the ice would bear his weight.

Finally, after much hesitation and fear, he got down on his knees and began very cautiously to creep across the surface of the ice. He hoped that by disturbing the weight of his body, the ice would be less apt to break under the load.

After he made his slow and painful journey about halfway across the river, he suddenly heard the sound of singing behind him. Out of the dusk, there came a 4-horse load of coal driven by a man singing merrily as he went to his carefree way. Here was the traveler, fearfully inching his way on his hands and knees. And there, as if whisked along by the winter's wind, went the driver, his horses, his sled, and the heavy load of coal over the same river!

The story illustrates how many of us go through life.

Some stand on the bank of decisions unable to make up their minds about the course to take. Others stand on the banks trying to muster enough courage to cross over to the other side of the task or problem encountered.

On the other hand, some individuals crawl and creep through life for fear of thin ice.

Their faith is not strong enough to hold them up. Still there are those who whisked along whistling as they go. Their faith is UNSHAKABLE.

When we face the river of difficulties, we do not have to fear, nor do we creep through life. God has promised to help, and with God's help we can merrily make our way to the other side safely.

Stay tuned...!

Sensibility…!?!

Today let's try to understand what sensibility (for a scientific analysis click the title) means and how it accounts for.

An old hill farming crofter trudges several miles through freezing snow to his local and very remote chapel for Sunday service. No-one else is there, aside from the clergyman.

"I'm not sure it's worth proceeding with the service - might we do better to go back to our warm homes and a hot drink?.." asks the clergyman, inviting a mutually helpful reaction from his audience of one.

"Well, I'm just a simple farmer," says the old crofter, "But when I go to feed my herd, and if only one beast turns up, I sure don't leave it hungry."

So the clergyman, feeling somewhat ashamed, delivers his service - all the bells and whistles, hymns and readings, lasting a good couple of hours - finishing proudly with the fresh observation that no matter how small the need, our duty remains. And he thanks the old farmer for the lesson he has learned.

"Was that okay?" asks the clergyman, as the two set off home.

"Well I'm just a simple farmer," says the old crofter, "But when I go to feed my herd, and if only one beast turns up, I sure don't force it to eat what I brought for the whole herd..."

From which we see the extra lesson, that while our duty remains regardless of the level of need, we have the additional responsibility to ensure that we adapt our delivery (of whatever is our stock in trade) according to the requirements of our audience.

Stay tuned...!

Self…!?!

Today we will try to learn the concept of True Self (For the psychological analysis of the term click on the tiltle) through THREE Zen Short Stories. After reading these stories if you feel like discarding them, rest assured that you have started discovering YourSELF…

I don't mind dying... as long as I don't have to be there when it happens...!

ONE...

The Emperor was really into Buddhism. He read everything he could get his hands on, he talked with philosophers and monks about it, he even tried writing his own discourses and Haiku. One day he heard that a famous Zen master was visiting the city. So, naturally, being the Emperor, he requested that the Master come to visit him at the Palace. He offered the Master a fine meal and afterwards performed a truly elegant tea ceremony. The whole time, the master is pretty much silent and peaceful, as you might expect from a Zen master - but the Emperor is biting his tongue. He wants to pick this guy's brains about Zen. So finally, as they are drinking their tea, he breaks the silence. "Master, according to Zen what is True Self?"

The Master briefly looks up from his tea and says, "I do not know." Then he quietly continues sipping.

TWO...

A Taoist story tells of an old man who accidentally fell into the river rapids leading to a high and dangerous waterfall. Onlookers feared for his life. Miraculously, he came out alive and unharmed downstream at the bottom of the falls. People asked him how he managed to survive. "I didn't struggle," he said. "I accommodated myself to the water and just went with its flow."

THREE...

A distraught man approached the Zen master. "Please, Master, I feel lost, desperate. I don't know who I am. Please, show me my true self!" But the teacher just looked away without responding. The man began to plead, but still the master gave no reply. Finally giving up in frustration, the man turned to leave. At that moment the master called out to him by name, "Hey Joe!" "Yes!" the man said as he spun back around. "There it is!" exclaimed the master.

Stay tuned...!